- Expectations and Reality
- Getting rid of negative emotions
- We analyze the cause of resentment
- Analyze your expectations
Feelings often guide our actions. Resentment is one of the most intense obsessive feelings, the manifestation of which adversely affects primarily those who experience it. Getting rid of him is not so easy. Resentment is a weapon of defeat for our souls, which we put under attack without thinking about the consequences.
You can be offended, not communicate with the offender, annoyed at his presence in your environment, express complaints against him, be silent or cry – do it as you like and as much as you like. But with these measures you cannot change the world around you. It’s like if you wanted to change the bad weather.
Sensitivity to the unexpected actions of others is just your defensive reaction to situations that you think are wrong. In any case, you evaluate them that way. Resentment strikes at your self-esteem, your self-esteem. Offended, you hope to reduce your psychological stress, clinging to this feeling, like a lifeline, hoping to stay afloat, but inevitably go to the bottom.
Expectations and Reality
It’s naive to believe that people living on the basis of their principles, plans and goals will act according to your expectations.
Considering the situation in your own way, your offender may assess it as a mere trifle, whereas for you this outcome of events is a real disaster.
Perhaps this person underestimated your expectations or the line of behavior that you built in advance for him, or he simply does not care. Sometimes we use insult as a prepared form of reaction to an event that we do not like. But such a stereotype of behavior is not always a panacea for trouble. If once this stereotype (resentment) helps, then in subsequent times it can destroy.
Resentment gnaws only you, exhausts, incinerates your inner world, your psyche, and only yours. It gives rise to psychological complexes, depression, impairs physical health. There is only one way out – to learn to control this monster mechanism, having previously studied the instructions.
Getting rid of negative emotions
The lexicographer Pierre Bouast, the creator of a unique French dictionary, argued that grievances should be written in the sand, and good deeds should be grinded in marble..
A philosophical approach to life allows you to get rid of negative emotions and psychosomatic diseases. To begin with, it is worth recognizing the occurrence of an unpleasant feeling – “yes, I’m offended.” Notice the difference in acceptance of responsibility: not “offended me”, but “I was offended”.
Certain steps will help to overcome an unpleasant feeling..
Describe your feeling of resentment with all the sensations: how the mood changed, what thoughts arose, how the behavior changed. It’s useful to put the feeling on paper, and then tear the written sheet.
What emotions are caused by the behavior or act of the offender (hopelessness, anger, hatred, fear, etc.)?
Consider how the offender should have acted so that you do not experience resentment. It is fundamentally important in this case not to use the particle “not”. That is, instead of “he should not have yelled at me at all” to apply “he should have taken me aside and talked”.
Answer your questions:
♥ Why the offender did so, and not otherwise; what were the reasons for this? The answer should contain explanations, but not excuses for the offender.
♥ Did the offender suspect my expectations? The answer to this question will give an idea of the degree of responsibility of the opponent.
♥ This is what everyone does, or I deserve such an attitude.?
♥ Can this person correspond to my ideas about him, can he satisfy my expectations?
Release your resentment. To let go means to rid the mind of emotion, say goodbye to it.
We analyze the cause of resentment
Turning to the doctor, we always hope that he will make the correct diagnosis, that is, find out the cause of the disease. Only then can one fight the disease.
In this way, one can only get rid of resentment if one realizes its cause..
Here are some examples. Banal rudeness in public transport and other crowded places is a common occurrence. The reason for this is the poor education of the offender, which has nothing to do with you. This means that there is no reason to “cultivate” complexes in yourself or, even more so, “redraw” self-esteem.
Responding to criticism in a team or even a family requires an analysis of the critic’s behavior. If a critical person enjoys watching your reaction, then you have the right to answer him in the same way (provided that his statements have no constructive basis). Answering your opponent in time will make sure that there is no trace of your resentment.
The hardest thing to deal with the resentment inflicted on you by a loved one. After all, you initially consider him your supporter. In such situations, your self-esteem is most prone to decline. Any advice is likely to be useless..
Salvation can only be a confidential conversation. A heart-to-heart conversation, revelations about the painful will surely extinguish the feeling of guilt and resentment.
Perhaps your resentment is the result of poor “heredity”. Such addiction can be borrowed from a brother, sister or even parents. A bad life lesson urgently requires retraining, completing a full course of weaning and “retaking” new skills to yourself.
Many are inherent in cultivating self-pity, from which they even enjoy, a kind of masochistic pleasure from the fact that “I was born in winter, not summer; and my poor parents; and with the country (profession, wife, machine …) I was not lucky. I am a victim of a number of circumstances, take pity on me … ”
Often, resentment causes a feeling of guilt. These are consequences of incorrect self-esteem: “I am not like that”, “I am worthless”, “I am a loser”, etc., “therefore they treat me so inappropriately”. Such vulnerability is permissible only in childhood, that is, in a short period of personality formation.
Analyze your expectations
From the people around you, especially from those close to or significant to you, you expect a lot, perhaps too much. It is important to analyze how justified such expectations are..
If this is not done, then your reaction may manifest itself in the form of unexpected aggression, hatred, revenge, tears, guilt, anger, etc. Do you recall the insult you made a day, a year, 5 years … Choose which one you like best from this list. True – nothing good can be chosen. Where is the way out? In forgiveness. Forgive the offender, no matter how painful this process is..
If you project the situation in the reverse order (you offended someone), then you yourself always hope that others will be able to forgive you.
The above-mentioned methods of auto-training on how to get rid of feelings of resentment will allow you to realize your power over your emotions, make you a confident and self-sufficient person who can be happy.