Before remarrying, a woman must remember that the birth of a new family for her child will be a psychological trauma. Therefore, he should be accustomed to the future stepfather long before you begin to live together. Let the child and your chosen one get used to each other well. It is better if the future stepfather comes to visit you exactly when the child is at home. And try to warn the arrival of your new chosen one in advance. Just don’t overdo it! Do not immediately try to push the child and lover towards each other, looking for their common interests. Let them just stay together and decide for themselves what it is more interesting for them to talk about. Try to tell your beloved person in advance about the hobbies of your child, about the features of his character. When the child gets used to a new acquaintance, you can organize a joint cultural program: go to a movie together, play bowling or just take a walk in the park. It is useful to leave the child on a specious excuse for 15 to 20 minutes alone with the future stepfather.
After meeting a man, you can take a chance and stay in your house for at least one night.
And most importantly, adults must clearly explain to the child that they want to live together. And ask him what he thinks about it at all. Sometimes the children themselves make it easier for the mother. They may be guileless inquiring: “Why is the new acquaintance still not living with us?” And they will ask you a bunch of questions. So get ready to answer them as truthfully as possible..
But it happens the other way around: the children are silent, withdrawn in themselves, although in reality they simply burn out from curiosity. Your task is to talk the baby, find out what worries him now. Otherwise, the child will continue to worry greatly. On this basis, he may even have stress.
How to improve relationships with a child
According to the observations of psychologists, the younger the child, the faster he gets used to his stepfather. The easiest way to “new dad” is taken by children under the age of 3 years. But the boys of 5 – 7 years old are not too happy with the “new dad”. They usually have possessive feelings towards their mother. So they will perceive any stranger as an opponent. Therefore, it is very important that the child understands that with the arrival of his mother’s new father, his mother’s love for him will not decrease.
The relationship of a man with a child aged 7-12 years will depend on how they developed earlier with the boy’s father. If the baby had problems with dad, then the stepfather needs to be especially careful. The most difficult age for the appearance of a new man in the family is 12 to 16 years. This is a time when many authorities are crumbling for a teenager, and then a stranger appears in the family, who, as the boy is sure, will command him. Therefore, the boy should immediately explain that no one is going to infringe on his freedom. Moreover, someday he will live his own life, and next to his mother there should also be a loved one.
The child and his relationship with his stepfather
As a rule, for many women it is very difficult to decide how a child should call her new husband. Experts advise: it is better for the child to turn to his stepfather by name, but in such a situation a terrible confusion occurs in the child’s head. He reasoned something like this: “If the new uncle is“ dad, ”then who is the man whom he used to call“ dad? ” The kid will be tormented by these issues and suffer. And for a man who has come to a new family, the title of “papa” may be too responsible.
I want to emphasize: every child is already an independent person. Do not hide information from him that directly concerns him. Try to be as sincere as possible with your child. Take your time, do not demand too much from him and from your stepfather. Give them time to get used to each other and find a common language. Do not think that the child will be against your happiness. In this difficult question a lot will depend on you.
And finally, do not forget the simple truth: if a man sincerely loves you, he should not have problems communicating with your child. Your loved one will not perceive him as a stranger.
Tips for Mom
DO NOT forbid your child to date their own father..
DO NOT compare your father with your stepfather, especially in the presence of a child. For example, if your father never took the baby to the stadium, and your new friend plays sports with him every day, you should not say: “That’s how good he is, not like your father!”
DO NOT abruptly change your previous family regime.
Tips for stepfather
DO NOT say the words “I said,” “I believe.” After all, you are still a stranger to a child and your opinion is not so important for him.
DO NOT rush to set your own rules in the new family, let alone make demands.
DO NOT try to appease your baby’s location with gifts. Children are excellent psychologists, they will immediately understand this and will blackmail you. But do not try to follow the child’s whim, indulging his whims. Know when to show firmness.
DO NOT blame the child for your difficult relationship with him. It was not he who burst into your life, but you into his. Try to understand him, meanwhile you are a new person for him.
