Before you remarry, womanIt should remember that the birth of a new family for her child to be a psychological trauma. Therefore, teach it to future stepfather should be long before you begin to live together. Let the baby and your partner well get used to each other. It is better if the future stepfather would come to visit you at a time when the baby will be at home. And try to warn of the arrival of your new chosen in advance. Just do not overdo it! Do not immediately try to push a child and loved each other, trying to discover their common interests. Let them just pray thee together and will decide for themselves what they are interested in talking. A loved one, try to advance to talk about your child's enthusiasm, about the peculiarities of his character. When the child gets used to a new friend, you can organize a joint cultural program: go all together to the cinema, bowling or just take a walk in the park. It is useful to keep the child under the pretext of 15 - 20 minutes alone with the future stepfather.
After dating a man you can take a chance and stay in your home for at least one night.
And most importantly - adults need to understandexplain to the child that they want to live together. And ask him what he thinks about it at all. Sometimes the children themselves easier task mom. They can ask innocently: "Why new friend has not lived with us?" And yet you will be asked a lot of questions. So get ready for the most truthful answer them.
But it happens and vice versa: children are silent, withdrawn into himself, though really just burned with curiosity. Your task - to talk with the baby, find out what it is now concerned. Otherwise, the child will continue to experience much. On this basis, he may even appear stress.
How to improve the relationship with the child
According to the observations psychologists, the younger the child,the sooner he gets used to his stepfather. The easiest way to "new dad" accept children under the age of 3 years. But the boys 5 - 7 years "new dad" not too happy about it. They usually appear possessive feelings toward his mother. So any foreign man they will be perceived as a rival. Therefore it is very important that the child realized that with the advent of the new pope's family mother's love for him will not diminish yourself.
The relationship of a man with a child between the ages of7 - 12 years will depend on how they evolved earlier with his own father a boy. If the baby and dad had a problem, the stepfather should be especially careful. His most difficult age for the emergence of a new man in the family - 12 - 16 years. This is the time when the teenager collapse many authorities, and here in the family appears a stranger, who is sure the boy will lead them. boy should, therefore, immediately to explain that nobody is going to infringe on his freedom. Especially that one day he will live his own life, and next to my mother, too, has to be the closest person.
The child and his relationship with his stepfather
As a rule, it is very difficult for many womendecide how the child should call her new husband. Experts advise: it is better that the child turned to his stepfather called, but in this situation the child in the head there is a terrible mess. He says something like this: "If a new uncle -" daddy ", then who is the man, whom he had called" Dad "" The kid will suffer with these issues and to suffer. And for a man who came into the new family, the title of "pope" might be responsible too.
I want to emphasize: every child - it's his own man. Do not hide from him the information that directly concerns him. Try to be as sincere with your child. Do not hurry, do not demand too much from him, and by his stepfather. Give them time to get used to each other and find a common language. Do not assume that a child will be against your happiness. In this difficult matter, much will depend on you.
And finally, do not forget a simple truth: if a man really loves you, he should have no problem in communicating with your child. Your loved one will not perceive it as a stranger.
Tips for moms
Does not prohibit the child to meet with his own father.
Do not compare his own father and stepfather, especially inthe presence of a child. For example, if a father never drove the baby to the stadium, and your new friend every day engaged with him in sports, you should not say, "That's what he's good, not like your father!"
Do NOT change dramatically their former family mode.
Tips for stepfather
Without saying a word, "I said," "I believe." After all, you are still a stranger to the child, and your opinion is not so important for him.
Do not rush to install in a new family of their own rules, and even more to make demands.
DO NOT attempt to appease the location of the babygifts. Children - excellent psychologists, they immediately understand it and will blackmail you. But do not try to go on about the child, indulging his whims. Be able to, when necessary, be firm.
Do not blame the child in your difficult relationship with him. It is not he broke into your life, and you're in it. Try to understand it, is that you are a new person to him.